yeah, not a bad effort.
Here are a few things I would have mentioned:
- When you release the stick from the non-dominant hand, you need to keep the string taught by throwing the stick out to the side. On your video you can see this visually really well, you just didn't explain it.
- Much more in-depth description of the hand movement. ie, smoothly pull up, fast re-wrap under the diabolo, the movement isn't circular, its egg shaped. You did touch on some of this, but to really understand how to do the trick I think more detail is needed.
- The importance of having the diabolo close to the stick and not halfway down the string.